Another week has gone by, we are still alive, the president is still alive and we have a brand new ministry! Yippy! I wonder what will happen with the NDDC? Perhaps they will go into the soothsayer business? Who knows? Maybe a kind of “cash and carry” kind of service….or if they get really ambitious, one would even be able to pay online and all, really high tech. After all, they all seem to be so knowledgeable in the art of magic, portions, juju, wizards, and other funny business. Anyway, I am sure they will all find something to do, no need to worry about them, they all seem to be a very creative lot!
However, before this ministry is formed, I would like to appeal to the president not to make the same mistakes like our past president has done with this issue. The main reason why we keep failing with the Niger Delta is that we keep engaging the wrong people in the matter. Unless we have become blind and deaf in this country, it is obvious that the main participants in this boiling mess are the youths. We have to engage the youths of the Niger Delta in this ministry. We have tried to engage the elders, the older men of our society and where has it led? It has led to more problems, more bribes, more disappearing funds, more hocus-pocus! Why do we keep engaging people that have shown us time and time again that they are not capable? When are we going to learn our lesson?
The youths of the Niger Delta are the ones complaining. They are the ones kidnapping, killing and causing unrest in the region. Now is the time for them to actively help in solving all the problems they have spent many days in the swamps fighting for. Now is the time for them to actively help rebuild their society. How can this be done? Is this possible, you may ask? Yes it is! Have you not heard of the child that stole from the cupboard of goodies yet when given the job to look after this cupboard, nothing went missing? The Niger Delta is this great cupboard, full of uncountable wonderful goodies and the little child that keeps stealing from this cupboard are the youths. We need to give them back responsibility and discipline.
How can we get them excited again about their futures? How can we get them away from the lure of the machine guns and easy money? How can you instill in these lost youths, the pride of hard work, discipline and commitment? I dare say, this will be the most important job for the new ministry. I think these are questions that the president needs to answer first and foremost before giving away posts in this new ministry.
The truth of the matter is, our elders have lets us down. Time and time again, they have deceived us. How long shall we let that happen? Let us not form another ministry for the greedy and pot bellied monsters. Let us form a youthful and energetic ministry, a ministry that is capable of coming up with new ideas and ready to face the challenges of a most volatile region.
This time around, we cannot afford to fail.
waffywaffarian@yahoo.com
P.S: I no wan laugh, but una read that speech wey Kinigbe give for im hand over? Chei! Laugh be wan kill me…eya…well, as im talk, God’s time is the best. Everything must to end one day. I wish am good luck oh!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
And that is how I met Wole Soyinka....
I swear it was a mistake. There was only one bed left...beside the old black gentleman with a laptop. The pool was empty but the beds were filled with red bodies, grilling themselves in the sun but there was one bed left.The man did not even notice me, he was busy staring at something on the grass..I thought he was asleep with his eyes open....you know how old people sleep funny. Anyway, so I was adjusting my bikini, the one I bought at some strange shop where they had nothing my size except for the bikini...all brown with some coloured dots here and there...childish I know...but it looked good on me...and my ass. Anyway, I am wondering if he is asleep when he suddenly looks up and still, I don't even know that it is him. He smiles at me, like he is giving me permission to sleep on the bed beside him...and it is then he says...
"Yes, you can stop staring, it is me"
I swear I thought he had gone nuts...maybe he thought I was a long lost grand child or something, so I just smile at him and relax on my sun bed or whatever it is called. Just at that moment, when I was finally getting comfortable on my bed, I hear...
"Would you like anything else Mr. Soyinka?"
Somebody shoot me! It is Wole Soyinka, so I sit up of course, you how you've always had so many questions for certain people? So of course, I could not miss this opportunity so I sit up and say...
"Are you going to swim later on?"
He looks at me like the lost grand daughter and says "No,I am not"
"Oh, Of course not...I understand...your hair"
"My hair?"
"Yes, I understand it must be such hard work taking care of your hair...you must always be so careful...seeing that its your trade mark...you know there's a hair style called "wole soyinka"? okay, I am not sure if there is, but I call anybody who has an afro "wole soyinka". I used to call a friend of mine that but then I realised her afro was not really like yours...it was more like Kramer's...in Seinfields...so I called her "Kramer". Anyway, but most artists want your kind of Afro...I have a friend...he looks terrible, I can't imagine why he won't cut the damn hair...he looks like a vagabond...a delinquent...he just looks terrible...and he won't cut his hair. He says he is growing his hair....he wants it to be like "wole soyinka". Imagine how many parents all over the world are going crazy over this hair business...anyway, that's not your fault....so what are you writing? Your next sequel?"
"Sequel to what?"
"Oh you know...that book, You must set forth at dawn your memoir?
"Have you read it?"
"I am sad to say I have not...I don't know, I have a peculiar habit...it’s like Chimanda's novel...Half of a yellow sun...I got it, free from a friend, did not pay a dime, guess how long it sat on my shelf? Over six months! Imagine! And it’s not like when I read it, I did not like it, no sir! quite the opposite. I did enjoy it...but I don't know...certain books...the sheer size of it...I am an impatient person, I read a book in a day...I don't have time for reading the same book two days in a row...or you know some people take weeks? even months? I could never do that...but you see, the problem is there are too many books to read...I don't want one book holding me back from reading others you know...not enough time in the world...but I will get around to reading it...it’s just why read only one book when you can read two or even three...but I will read it."
"So how long has my book been sitting on your shelf?"
"Oh, over a year now"
He goes back to staring at the grass and I look at him closely...his skin still looks good, not so much pigmentation...I wonder if he noticed my own skin...young...and smooth...if he worries about his skin at all...
"So do you use sun screen?"
"No, I don't"
"So how do you maintain it?"
"What?"
"Your hair. I bet you use those nice American products...something that ends with a "sheen" but not like our kessingsheen...something more Americanish....it must be hard though...for the other hair on your body...imagine just the hair on your head being famous...that must be hard for the rest"
"Well, it was nice to meet you...have fun swimming"
"Oh, it was nice to meet you too. I’ll try to read your book...as soon as possible"
And that is how I met Wole Soyinka.
Note: I will take it for a given that we all know that there is a Wole Soyinka in the world and that he did write a book called You Must Set Forth At Dawn, however the character in this story is a complete fiction. I have never met Wole Soyinka or any other person who bears that name.
"Yes, you can stop staring, it is me"
I swear I thought he had gone nuts...maybe he thought I was a long lost grand child or something, so I just smile at him and relax on my sun bed or whatever it is called. Just at that moment, when I was finally getting comfortable on my bed, I hear...
"Would you like anything else Mr. Soyinka?"
Somebody shoot me! It is Wole Soyinka, so I sit up of course, you how you've always had so many questions for certain people? So of course, I could not miss this opportunity so I sit up and say...
"Are you going to swim later on?"
He looks at me like the lost grand daughter and says "No,I am not"
"Oh, Of course not...I understand...your hair"
"My hair?"
"Yes, I understand it must be such hard work taking care of your hair...you must always be so careful...seeing that its your trade mark...you know there's a hair style called "wole soyinka"? okay, I am not sure if there is, but I call anybody who has an afro "wole soyinka". I used to call a friend of mine that but then I realised her afro was not really like yours...it was more like Kramer's...in Seinfields...so I called her "Kramer". Anyway, but most artists want your kind of Afro...I have a friend...he looks terrible, I can't imagine why he won't cut the damn hair...he looks like a vagabond...a delinquent...he just looks terrible...and he won't cut his hair. He says he is growing his hair....he wants it to be like "wole soyinka". Imagine how many parents all over the world are going crazy over this hair business...anyway, that's not your fault....so what are you writing? Your next sequel?"
"Sequel to what?"
"Oh you know...that book, You must set forth at dawn your memoir?
"Have you read it?"
"I am sad to say I have not...I don't know, I have a peculiar habit...it’s like Chimanda's novel...Half of a yellow sun...I got it, free from a friend, did not pay a dime, guess how long it sat on my shelf? Over six months! Imagine! And it’s not like when I read it, I did not like it, no sir! quite the opposite. I did enjoy it...but I don't know...certain books...the sheer size of it...I am an impatient person, I read a book in a day...I don't have time for reading the same book two days in a row...or you know some people take weeks? even months? I could never do that...but you see, the problem is there are too many books to read...I don't want one book holding me back from reading others you know...not enough time in the world...but I will get around to reading it...it’s just why read only one book when you can read two or even three...but I will read it."
"So how long has my book been sitting on your shelf?"
"Oh, over a year now"
He goes back to staring at the grass and I look at him closely...his skin still looks good, not so much pigmentation...I wonder if he noticed my own skin...young...and smooth...if he worries about his skin at all...
"So do you use sun screen?"
"No, I don't"
"So how do you maintain it?"
"What?"
"Your hair. I bet you use those nice American products...something that ends with a "sheen" but not like our kessingsheen...something more Americanish....it must be hard though...for the other hair on your body...imagine just the hair on your head being famous...that must be hard for the rest"
"Well, it was nice to meet you...have fun swimming"
"Oh, it was nice to meet you too. I’ll try to read your book...as soon as possible"
And that is how I met Wole Soyinka.
Note: I will take it for a given that we all know that there is a Wole Soyinka in the world and that he did write a book called You Must Set Forth At Dawn, however the character in this story is a complete fiction. I have never met Wole Soyinka or any other person who bears that name.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Charity begins at home
My dear readers, I have figured it out! I have finally figured out why our country is in such a mess. Before I disclose this new found secret, I‘d like to ask, how many of you have come home from work only to find your home in disarray? Things here and there, dirty plates in the kitchen, your children running amok in dirty clothes, everything upside down. Do you remember how you felt then? Was it a feeling of annoyance, irritation, frustration, anger? (all which leads to high blood pressure of course).Now, compare that feeling to when you came home and your house was clean, all the plates washed and dried in the kitchen, your children looking clean and smart, like little angels, everything in its place. How did you feel then? I am sure you felt happy or satisfied or even grateful. It felt good to be home, right?
Now, all you have to do is imagine that Nigeria is this home you have to see every single day. The roads are full of pot holes, over flowing gutters everywhere, mountains of rubbish by the road sides (Aba, take note), the unbearable noise from the generators…even I am already frustrated just writing all this. You see, my dear people, many problems we are facing today would be solved if only we could keep this country clean. I know many people would think that this is not important at all, but once again, I ask, have you ever been able to cook food in a dirty pot?
There is nothing that can be done properly in a messy environment and that is what Nigeria is, very messy indeed. How do we even think we can sort out the issue of corruption when we cannot tackle a simple matter (which should be common sense, by the way) like environmental sanitation? The reason Nigeria is in the mess it is in, is because we think we can solve the big issues without sorting first, the obvious ones. It is obvious that this country is dirty and it is obvious that we all need to do our part in cleaning up this mess we are all in. Lets us start with the little things and this leads me to the challenge I have for my dear readers this week.
1.Always carry a small “nylon” or “paper bag” in your bag (for the men, you can have it in your briefcase, for those that do not have either; I guess you’ll just have to carry it like that). Put all remnants of your snacks in it instead of throwing out the window. Banana peels, orange peels, pure water sachets, mango seeds, gala wrappings, i.e., anything that is considered as refuse. Throw this bag in the nearest refuse bin at home or at your office. Please do not leave it by the roadsides.
2.Implore your employers to make sure that all offices have refuse bins. Even the rubber ones will do.
3.Talk to your neighbors about your environment. What can you all do collectively to make your street cleaner? I am sure there are many people that would willingly contribute something, in cash or kind to have a cleaner street.
4.For those that have children, encourage them to use the refuse bin at home and perhaps even get them to pick up papers when they see them in public places.
5.When you see someone else polluting the environment, make sure you bring his /her attention to it.
Are these small things too much for us to do? Before we begin to reach for the big goals, perhaps we can all start with the small things that we, as citizens ought to do. Nigeria is our home, let’s keep it clean.
waffywaffarian@yahoo.com
Now, all you have to do is imagine that Nigeria is this home you have to see every single day. The roads are full of pot holes, over flowing gutters everywhere, mountains of rubbish by the road sides (Aba, take note), the unbearable noise from the generators…even I am already frustrated just writing all this. You see, my dear people, many problems we are facing today would be solved if only we could keep this country clean. I know many people would think that this is not important at all, but once again, I ask, have you ever been able to cook food in a dirty pot?
There is nothing that can be done properly in a messy environment and that is what Nigeria is, very messy indeed. How do we even think we can sort out the issue of corruption when we cannot tackle a simple matter (which should be common sense, by the way) like environmental sanitation? The reason Nigeria is in the mess it is in, is because we think we can solve the big issues without sorting first, the obvious ones. It is obvious that this country is dirty and it is obvious that we all need to do our part in cleaning up this mess we are all in. Lets us start with the little things and this leads me to the challenge I have for my dear readers this week.
1.Always carry a small “nylon” or “paper bag” in your bag (for the men, you can have it in your briefcase, for those that do not have either; I guess you’ll just have to carry it like that). Put all remnants of your snacks in it instead of throwing out the window. Banana peels, orange peels, pure water sachets, mango seeds, gala wrappings, i.e., anything that is considered as refuse. Throw this bag in the nearest refuse bin at home or at your office. Please do not leave it by the roadsides.
2.Implore your employers to make sure that all offices have refuse bins. Even the rubber ones will do.
3.Talk to your neighbors about your environment. What can you all do collectively to make your street cleaner? I am sure there are many people that would willingly contribute something, in cash or kind to have a cleaner street.
4.For those that have children, encourage them to use the refuse bin at home and perhaps even get them to pick up papers when they see them in public places.
5.When you see someone else polluting the environment, make sure you bring his /her attention to it.
Are these small things too much for us to do? Before we begin to reach for the big goals, perhaps we can all start with the small things that we, as citizens ought to do. Nigeria is our home, let’s keep it clean.
waffywaffarian@yahoo.com
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Insults and the workplace
A good friend of mine recently narrated the most unbelievable story I have ever heard. She told me a female branch manager of one our big banks in Nigeria had asked her members of staff who had been unable to meet their monthly targets to “kneel down” as punishment. Now, that is not the part that is unbelievable because I know many people are capable of wanting to humiliate other human beings in any way they can. The part that is unbelievable is that her staff actually did it! They actually knelt down. Now, may I remind you all that this incident happened recently, in 2008. Of course I refused to believe it, “impossible” I screamed! My friend then informed me that in the world of banking, people were insulted on a daily basis. She told me that one former MD of a bank once asked his staff at MPR (monthly performance rating) if he was a married, the man said yes, asked if he had children, to which the man replied yes, he then asked his staff if when he gets home his children call him daddy or idiot.....because only an idiot can be doing so badly.
Many more horrendous stories such as these were narrated but we shall make do with these two. I doubt my readers need more examples to understand the kind of madness I am talking about. Yet, this is not particular to the banking world in Nigeria. In offices all over the country, people are being called “stupid”, “idiot”, “fool”, “useless” and other derogatory terms. In fact, I remember teachers being part of this madness. Teachers that call their students “mumu”, “olodo”, “stupid”, teachers that should know better are even a part of this social madness. However, I do not blame these human beings that believe it is their right to insult others anywhere and anytime they deem fit. I blame it on this ridiculous system of “respect your elders” that we have been initiated into as children.
As a child, I was taught to respect my elders and basically agree with whatever that “elder” said. Who are the elders? Well, basically, anybody that is older than you. That is why, as a child, you bowed your head down when an adult scolded you and told you what a stupid person you were. As long as this person was “your senior”, it was alright for you to be insulted and degraded. This degrading of yourself continued in boarding house (for those of you that did not go to boarding house, give praise and thanksgiving, your mental health is still intact) where you were basically a slave to everybody that was in a class ahead of you. Here, the insults become natural; it is a part of your life. You are “fool”, “stupid” “idiot”, and you will gladly answer to those names when you are being called. You now await your turn, when you can also enjoy calling juniors “fool”, “idiot” “stupid”. You are part of the system and the system is part of you.
However, as an adult, your “elders” are no longer those people that are older than you, but those people you call “Sir” or “Madam” (and anybody that has money). We have just replaced the “elder” tag with “Sir/Madam”, and allowed the system of insults to continue and why should it not?
I will tell you why it should not. First of all, such behavior is totally unprofessional and does not belong to the office. Anybody in such a professional setting, including the cleaners, drivers and security guards, ought to be respected and treated as a worthy human being. They are working for their money just as you are. They should be respected. In many countries, the cleaners can call the MD of a company by his first name, yes, you heard me right. In my university days, I called all my professors by their first names (it was a shock to my system, but once I got used to it, it was quite liberating) and nobody died. It is because we insist on this “Oga/Madam” nonsense that such people think it is their right to insult their subordinates.
Secondly, we are not kids anymore. Those days of bullying are long gone. We are grown men and women and we will fight for our rights.
P.S:And una mumu people wey dem go dey do like sheep anyhow, una no fit talk? Ehn? I swear, if na me, na rak we for rak that day. Kneel down indeed! Na for her head I for siddon! Nonsense and ingredience!
waffywaffarian@yahoo.com
Many more horrendous stories such as these were narrated but we shall make do with these two. I doubt my readers need more examples to understand the kind of madness I am talking about. Yet, this is not particular to the banking world in Nigeria. In offices all over the country, people are being called “stupid”, “idiot”, “fool”, “useless” and other derogatory terms. In fact, I remember teachers being part of this madness. Teachers that call their students “mumu”, “olodo”, “stupid”, teachers that should know better are even a part of this social madness. However, I do not blame these human beings that believe it is their right to insult others anywhere and anytime they deem fit. I blame it on this ridiculous system of “respect your elders” that we have been initiated into as children.
As a child, I was taught to respect my elders and basically agree with whatever that “elder” said. Who are the elders? Well, basically, anybody that is older than you. That is why, as a child, you bowed your head down when an adult scolded you and told you what a stupid person you were. As long as this person was “your senior”, it was alright for you to be insulted and degraded. This degrading of yourself continued in boarding house (for those of you that did not go to boarding house, give praise and thanksgiving, your mental health is still intact) where you were basically a slave to everybody that was in a class ahead of you. Here, the insults become natural; it is a part of your life. You are “fool”, “stupid” “idiot”, and you will gladly answer to those names when you are being called. You now await your turn, when you can also enjoy calling juniors “fool”, “idiot” “stupid”. You are part of the system and the system is part of you.
However, as an adult, your “elders” are no longer those people that are older than you, but those people you call “Sir” or “Madam” (and anybody that has money). We have just replaced the “elder” tag with “Sir/Madam”, and allowed the system of insults to continue and why should it not?
I will tell you why it should not. First of all, such behavior is totally unprofessional and does not belong to the office. Anybody in such a professional setting, including the cleaners, drivers and security guards, ought to be respected and treated as a worthy human being. They are working for their money just as you are. They should be respected. In many countries, the cleaners can call the MD of a company by his first name, yes, you heard me right. In my university days, I called all my professors by their first names (it was a shock to my system, but once I got used to it, it was quite liberating) and nobody died. It is because we insist on this “Oga/Madam” nonsense that such people think it is their right to insult their subordinates.
Secondly, we are not kids anymore. Those days of bullying are long gone. We are grown men and women and we will fight for our rights.
P.S:And una mumu people wey dem go dey do like sheep anyhow, una no fit talk? Ehn? I swear, if na me, na rak we for rak that day. Kneel down indeed! Na for her head I for siddon! Nonsense and ingredience!
waffywaffarian@yahoo.com
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Letter to the president of Nigeria
Dear Sir,
I hope this letter comes to you in good health, if so, praise be to Allah. I am so sorry for disturbing you as I know you must be so busy working hard for our dear country Nigeria. However, I must bring your attention to a very solemn matter. It has come to my attention that the chairman of the NDDC, Sam Edem, is seriously ill and at this very moment, unable to perform the duties he has been elected to do. He has admitted being under the spell of one Perekabowei Ogah aka Mathew Sonoma, a juju priest (soothsayer, babalawo, marabou, wizard, etc). According to the honorable chairman, he was “hypnotized” and during this “hypnosis”, the juju man did “yahooze” on him and managed to swindle him of 800 million naira. Now, whilst the juju man has denied these allegations, claiming that the chairman had hired him for all sorts of criminal intentions, including murder, that is not my paramount concern. My concern is making sure the NDDC is functioning as it should be. I believe at the moment, this is not so. Below are my reasons:
How can anybody do his job under “hypnosis”? I have never been hypnotized before but I am sure any psychologist would confirm that such a state is not the perfect condition for anybody to be working under. Especially not somebody in charge of such an important commission.
He has already given 800 million naira of the NDDC’S money away (I am assuming this money is from the NDDC as it is impossible to believe that anybody in Nigeria has such a fantastic amount of money at his disposal).
The chairman himself has admitted to being “drained” financially, psychologically and emotionally. Pray, tell me, how is this poor man supposed to carry out his duties?
The chairman has recently been “delivered” from satanic hands. I am sure the poor man needs his rest. If he has been under such a draining spell, then I am sure the exorcism of all the demons in his body must have left him weak.
He must need time to reconcile himself with our heavenly father and hopefully be washed with the Holy Spirit. All this takes an incredible amount of energy, one which our chairman does not have at the moment since he has been so “drained”.
I hope our dear president can understand this delicate situation and hopefully, relieve the chairman of his burden. It is obvious that his present condition is very grave. Leaving the commission in the hands of Sam Edem is not only dangerous, but very careless indeed.
Yours sincerely,
Waffy Waffarian.
P.S: Here’s wishing the chairman a speedy recovery!
I hope this letter comes to you in good health, if so, praise be to Allah. I am so sorry for disturbing you as I know you must be so busy working hard for our dear country Nigeria. However, I must bring your attention to a very solemn matter. It has come to my attention that the chairman of the NDDC, Sam Edem, is seriously ill and at this very moment, unable to perform the duties he has been elected to do. He has admitted being under the spell of one Perekabowei Ogah aka Mathew Sonoma, a juju priest (soothsayer, babalawo, marabou, wizard, etc). According to the honorable chairman, he was “hypnotized” and during this “hypnosis”, the juju man did “yahooze” on him and managed to swindle him of 800 million naira. Now, whilst the juju man has denied these allegations, claiming that the chairman had hired him for all sorts of criminal intentions, including murder, that is not my paramount concern. My concern is making sure the NDDC is functioning as it should be. I believe at the moment, this is not so. Below are my reasons:
How can anybody do his job under “hypnosis”? I have never been hypnotized before but I am sure any psychologist would confirm that such a state is not the perfect condition for anybody to be working under. Especially not somebody in charge of such an important commission.
He has already given 800 million naira of the NDDC’S money away (I am assuming this money is from the NDDC as it is impossible to believe that anybody in Nigeria has such a fantastic amount of money at his disposal).
The chairman himself has admitted to being “drained” financially, psychologically and emotionally. Pray, tell me, how is this poor man supposed to carry out his duties?
The chairman has recently been “delivered” from satanic hands. I am sure the poor man needs his rest. If he has been under such a draining spell, then I am sure the exorcism of all the demons in his body must have left him weak.
He must need time to reconcile himself with our heavenly father and hopefully be washed with the Holy Spirit. All this takes an incredible amount of energy, one which our chairman does not have at the moment since he has been so “drained”.
I hope our dear president can understand this delicate situation and hopefully, relieve the chairman of his burden. It is obvious that his present condition is very grave. Leaving the commission in the hands of Sam Edem is not only dangerous, but very careless indeed.
Yours sincerely,
Waffy Waffarian.
P.S: Here’s wishing the chairman a speedy recovery!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Resource control hat
Man to man is so unjust, children
You don't know who to trust
Your worst enemy could be your best friend
And your best friend your worst enemy…..
And who the cap fit…let them wear it…
Hypocrites and parasites
Will come up and take a bite
And if your night should turn to day
A lot of people would run away
And who the cap fit….let them wear it…
-Bob Marley
If there is anybody that is tired of hearing about Niger-Delta in the news every day, please put your hands up! Is there anybody in this country that is not yet sick and fed up with this topic? I mean, I don’t understand why we choose to suffer in this country. I swear I am going to puke the next time I hear “Niger-Delta”. I am so tired of that topic, but even more exhausting, is the topic of resource control. What exactly does that mean? Every time I hear it in the news I begin to think of some “kryptonite like” matter found in space, a really mysterious kind of material that has to be taken care of with great care lest we all turn into aliens. However, correct me if I am wrong, but it’s all about MONEY right? That’s what we are discussing in these meetings and summits? Who gets to spend the MONEY? That’s the mysterious “resource” we are all falling over ourselves to share and divide.
Now that we have made that clear, ie, resource control basically means “how to share the loot”, let’s try and define the next problem at hand. Now, is it only me, or have you all noticed that anytime we talk about “resource control”, everybody on TV is wearing a bowler hat? I am serious, next time you watch TV, count the number of bowler hats (remnants of our colonial past) you see. I have been thinking about this phenomenon, in fact, I have come to the conclusion that there must be something magical about that hat. Perhaps in order to talk about “resource control”, one has to wear it? Whatever the secret is, I must know, na by force. I am going to buy my own bowler hat and the next time there is talk of “resource control” on TV, maybe I will have a better understanding of what it is all about. Make una siddon dey look, meself, I go enter TV small time dey give my own yarns about resource control.
P.S: But if anybody there wan dash me e own hat, I no go shame to collect oh, austerity wan kill man pikin. Thanks in advance.
waffywaffarian@yahoo.com
You don't know who to trust
Your worst enemy could be your best friend
And your best friend your worst enemy…..
And who the cap fit…let them wear it…
Hypocrites and parasites
Will come up and take a bite
And if your night should turn to day
A lot of people would run away
And who the cap fit….let them wear it…
-Bob Marley
If there is anybody that is tired of hearing about Niger-Delta in the news every day, please put your hands up! Is there anybody in this country that is not yet sick and fed up with this topic? I mean, I don’t understand why we choose to suffer in this country. I swear I am going to puke the next time I hear “Niger-Delta”. I am so tired of that topic, but even more exhausting, is the topic of resource control. What exactly does that mean? Every time I hear it in the news I begin to think of some “kryptonite like” matter found in space, a really mysterious kind of material that has to be taken care of with great care lest we all turn into aliens. However, correct me if I am wrong, but it’s all about MONEY right? That’s what we are discussing in these meetings and summits? Who gets to spend the MONEY? That’s the mysterious “resource” we are all falling over ourselves to share and divide.
Now that we have made that clear, ie, resource control basically means “how to share the loot”, let’s try and define the next problem at hand. Now, is it only me, or have you all noticed that anytime we talk about “resource control”, everybody on TV is wearing a bowler hat? I am serious, next time you watch TV, count the number of bowler hats (remnants of our colonial past) you see. I have been thinking about this phenomenon, in fact, I have come to the conclusion that there must be something magical about that hat. Perhaps in order to talk about “resource control”, one has to wear it? Whatever the secret is, I must know, na by force. I am going to buy my own bowler hat and the next time there is talk of “resource control” on TV, maybe I will have a better understanding of what it is all about. Make una siddon dey look, meself, I go enter TV small time dey give my own yarns about resource control.
P.S: But if anybody there wan dash me e own hat, I no go shame to collect oh, austerity wan kill man pikin. Thanks in advance.
waffywaffarian@yahoo.com
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Overnight farmers
Every day is a blessing in this country, even crossing the street is a mission on its own. By the way, before I launch into my anguish of the week, I‘d like to bind and cast all the demons of electricity in this country. I am sure you will all join in this casting session as many people have lost so much in this country due to “no light” (I just lost an eye….but that is a story for another day). This “no light” business is causing havoc in the lives of ordinary people, but not to worry, I am sure the Chinese will soon deliver enough cheap generators for every man to be able to afford one. God bless them.
Anyway, this article is not about me and my “missing eye” situation, this article is about Nigeria and its perpetual state of outrageous affairs. Recently, the government decided to help us out with the problem of food scarcity. They decided to distribute grains (please take note that these grains are for planting) to local farmers and help solve this alarming problem. Now, some big men in this country also collected tons of grains. Now, except I am totally stupid, I have never seen an agbada wearing man plant a seed. I am sure we all remember that ridiculous picture of our former president trying to plant a tree while his agbada was being held by more than three people. That is not a sight one forgets so easily. I still have nightmares from that picture.
Anyway, my point is, unless these big men, have become farmers overnight, then there is no need for anybody to be hoarding tons of grains in their backyards or garages. Now, as usual, we shall hear all sorts of explanations, all sorts of reasons. I would personally love to hear the reasons, for pure comedy purposes of course. One never tires of the illogical stories we hear in this country. However, the one and only question that should be asked is: “Are you a farmer?”
By the way, there is nothing wrong if these big men have decided to become farmers. In fact, the exercise would do them good. All that sitting around in board meetings eating club sandwich can’t be good for the heart. However, if you are not yet a farmer and you have no wishes to trade your pen for a hoe, then I suggest that these grains should be given to the people that know how to bend their backs in the sun.
Una do well.
P.S: Dem don begin dey kidnap people for our side again oh! Ehen, and I don remind una again say Olympics dey around the corner…if una like, make una disgrace us for opening ceremony with nonsense cloth…I go close eye, wait make una pass!
waffywaffarian@yahoo.com
Anyway, this article is not about me and my “missing eye” situation, this article is about Nigeria and its perpetual state of outrageous affairs. Recently, the government decided to help us out with the problem of food scarcity. They decided to distribute grains (please take note that these grains are for planting) to local farmers and help solve this alarming problem. Now, some big men in this country also collected tons of grains. Now, except I am totally stupid, I have never seen an agbada wearing man plant a seed. I am sure we all remember that ridiculous picture of our former president trying to plant a tree while his agbada was being held by more than three people. That is not a sight one forgets so easily. I still have nightmares from that picture.
Anyway, my point is, unless these big men, have become farmers overnight, then there is no need for anybody to be hoarding tons of grains in their backyards or garages. Now, as usual, we shall hear all sorts of explanations, all sorts of reasons. I would personally love to hear the reasons, for pure comedy purposes of course. One never tires of the illogical stories we hear in this country. However, the one and only question that should be asked is: “Are you a farmer?”
By the way, there is nothing wrong if these big men have decided to become farmers. In fact, the exercise would do them good. All that sitting around in board meetings eating club sandwich can’t be good for the heart. However, if you are not yet a farmer and you have no wishes to trade your pen for a hoe, then I suggest that these grains should be given to the people that know how to bend their backs in the sun.
Una do well.
P.S: Dem don begin dey kidnap people for our side again oh! Ehen, and I don remind una again say Olympics dey around the corner…if una like, make una disgrace us for opening ceremony with nonsense cloth…I go close eye, wait make una pass!
waffywaffarian@yahoo.com
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