An ugly man?

Hello my people, how una dey? We thank God. With all the serious matters these days, I say make we talk about some kind light matter wey don worry me sotey I no fit sleep for night. As we all know, Nollywood fulfils a very important role in our society. It has long taken over those crucial spots that sports and culture used to fill. We all need to escape once in a while and Nollywood can be seen as a form of therapy. It is now needed for our sanity….if not, God knows how many people will be walking around grumbling and imitating sounds of generators.

Anyway, the point is, gone are the days when children used to play ten ten and suwe….or take for example, one of my past times as a child…tree climbing. Yes, I had a mission in life and my mission was to climb every single tree in the neighborhood. I would plot and plan and conquer every single tree. Of course, this was never fully accomplished, before I knew it, I was too old to continue climbing trees and it was time for music, posters and boys. I never got too much into videos…well at that time; I don’t know if there was much you were allowed to watch apart from Sound of Music.

However, these days my friends, all children have long been indoctrinated into the wonderful world of Nollywood. We have super stars, stars that are house hold names and walk on red carpets…only in Lagos of course but still, they are popular enough for our children to recognize. Which brings me to my bone of contention. After a marathon of Nollywood videos, I have come to the conclusion that there is a conspiracy in Nollywood. Yes, my good friends, a conspiracy. The men in Nollywood videos do not have faces. I swear! Have you ever seen the face of a Nollywood actor? Mba….what you see is MONEY my dear friends. That’s what makes the male in the movies. Forget that his wife is the beautiful Genevieve or the voluptuous Mercy Johnson….do you expect a handsome man by their sides? Did I hear you say yes? Abeg, make I laugh. Handsome man ko! Handsome man ni! Wrong answer. No, you expect a rich man by their sides. So what if his belly is huge? What if his belly is in the way of the ridiculous hip hop jeans he is wearing? What if his neck is bursting with rolls under his American face cap? You think we care? The most important question in the movie is “is he the rich one?” That’s all we care about. Who cares about looks? Physical attributes? When it comes to men? You think you can actually judge a book by its cover? Not so, dear people, we judge them by their wallet. The fatter your wallet, the more appealing the big belle looks. Which brings me to the next issue.

Now, I do not care much about physical looks, I mean we are all stuck with what we have, right? There is not much we can do about it. However, if one has chosen to be a public figure, I expect to see a man with at least a healthy looking body. Not Arnold Schwarzenegger in his body building days but at least a healthy looking man. Yet, what does Nollywood give me? I cannot even begin to explain the shapes and figures. Meanwhile, many of you are constantly talking about crossing over to Hollywood…make I laugh first…una don craise? Na which part una think say una go play? Even two years no go dey enough to get una into shape! Except na houseboy or gateman part you wan act. Anyway, I really hope the men in Nollywood think about their bodies once in a while. It is not nice to flaunt such huge bellies in videos, especially when your co-actresses are in good form.

Una do well.