WAFFY AWARDS 2008

Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen, to the Second annual Waffy awards where Nigerian people and places are awarded for their contributions to different areas of entertainment. Last year, we saw winners such as the House of Assembly (best comedy sequence) the Niger Delta (best action sequence) and James Ibori (best drama sequence). We also had gracious losers such as Madam Etteh and Orji Kalu.

This year‘s awards proves to be just as exciting with our new nominees.

Once again, I’d like to state that all nominees were voted by a panel of expert judges. The awards cannot be contested and all forms of complaint will not be looked into, although suggestions will be taken into consideration.

BEST ACTION SEQUENCE 2008

Nominees:
1) Jos
2) Niger Delta

And the winner is the beautiful city of Jos. They successfully snatched this award from last year’s winner, the Niger Delta. Even though the Niger Delta tried to hold on to this award with their constant kidnappings, the city of Jos took the violence to even more dangerous grounds by allowing religious and tribal factors into the matter. A cocktail of violence that even the south-south could not match up with.

BEST DRAMA SEQUENCE 2008

Nominees:
1) Yar’Adua
2) Mallam Nuhu Ribadu
3) Mallam El-Rufai
4) EFCC

All contestants in this category deserve to win this prestigious award; unfortunately, there can only be one winner. However, we shall have a roundup of all the drama surrounding each contestant. The first runner up, Mallam El-Rufai was very strong in this category. Thirty two billion naira missing, land allocations, unaccounted funds, NIPOST land, PHCN land, etc etc. The EFCC has just declared him wanted. Apparently he is now a student in the United States (Seriously!). The second runner up, our very own president, thrilled us for days with speculations about his absence. While some feared he was dead, others put him at the location of a hospital in Saudi Arabia. The country was at a standstill as we all waited for his re appearance. I have to say, it was most entertaining! The EFCC of course, needs no introduction; this institution has become a serious source of drama with their constant output of confusing facts and figures. As you can see, the decision was a tough one but our winner indeed deserves this award.

The winner is Mallam Nuhu Ribadu! Surely, this contestant deserves to be honoured for the never ending drama surrounding his person. Let us take a quick look at the recent events in his life. First, he was promoted, then he was demoted, then they sent him (by force oh!) to NIPSS, then they denied him his graduation (why dem send am there in the first place?) now, dem don dismiss am from Police force. Haba! Abeg, im win am hands down!

BEST COMEDY SEQUENCE 2008

Nominees:
1) EFCC
2) House of Assembly

There is no need to explain why the House of Assembly is a constant source of entertainment. Their useless bickering over inconsequential matters is always a source of pure comedy any day and anytime.

However, the winner this year would have to be the EFCC with their missing files! Haba! I don laugh tire for this matter. How files wan take miss? Dem get wings? Because I no wan believe say in the year 2008, una no get computer for that place. If na dat one be the problem, I take God beg una, make una use my laptop. I dash una! In fact, I volunteer to type everything. Free of charge. Missing files indeed! Abeg, make una no kill me with laughter.

As usual, the last award, COURAGE IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY goes to us, the people of Nigeria, for showing courage and tenacity in the face of all the action, drama and comedy.

Happy New year to all my readers!

waffywaffarian@yahoo.com