Layabout

Layabout: “sista, you don hear tory?”

Waffy : “Look, you dis man, if no be better thing, no dey disturb me, dis early morning oh!”

Layabout: “Dis country, dem too like woman matter! Dem no dey take eye see woman before dem begin chase them!”

Waffy: “Na wetin again?

Layabout: “ My sista, dem say, dem don change police work for Lagos oh! Dem say, from now onwards, police work na to dey chase woman, ah, no be small thing oh! Law, come dey now self! No be bad thing to chase ashawo na, but na only for police dem! “

Waffy: “ your tory no get head or tail, how dem go change police work to ashawo work? You sure say you hear the tory well?”

Layabout: “ Sista, even if na Ogborikoko grammer school I go, I know wetin police work be, na to dey catch thief dem, dem no suppose dey chase woman na! so from today onwards, Lagos police na “ashawo ltd”, chei! See groove!”

Well, let us look at the matter rationally, no need to jump to conclusions here, I am sure there is a reason for this sudden development. In fact, I am sure that this new decree must have come about for one or the following reasons:

1) All crimes and investigations into crimes have been solved, including “cold” cases.

2) All thieves for some unknown reason have all gone on holiday; after all, we in the height of the summer/holiday season or better still, perhaps they all migrated to our neighboring countries?

3) All the area boys have all enrolled for jamb and to catch up with the forlorn years spent by the roadsides, they are now studying and slaving away over text books and past jamb questions.

4) All roads have miraculously been repaired over night by Julius Berger and RCC and thus, traffic has been flowing smoothly in Lagos.

5) All the 419 boys have all confessed their sins and repented, solemnly swearing never to open a “yahoo mail” ever, in their lives.

6) All areas in Lagos now have street lights and London style cops patrolling the areas, thereby eliminating any “shady” movements.

7) All corrupt officials in the government have all been apprehended and locked up, thus releasing a huge number of police officers that had been working on the cases.

8) All hospitals have now been instructed to give free drugs to sick children thus eliminating any risk for desperate parents to resort to armed robberies.

9) All lecturers in the Universities were taken abroad for a free orientation seminar and on return, they all decided to stop accepting bribes from students which in turn reduced the crime rate in universities and campuses

10) There is really nothing at all for the police in Lagos to do, and as you know, “an idle mind is a devil’s workshop”, and so in order to keep our uniformed men and women sharp and ready for action, a steady flow of work had to be created.

Ah! What joy! I am especially leaning towards number “10”, that really makes sense! Make I enter my Okada dey go jare!