By Waffy Waffarian
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen, to the first annual waffy awards where Nigerian people and places are awarded for their contributions to different areas of entertainment. Before we proceed, I’d like to say that all nominees were voted by a panel of expert judges and after much deliberation arrived at a winner. The awards cannot be contested and all forms of complaint will not be looked into, although suggestions will be taken into consideration.
BEST ACTION SEQUENCE 2007
1) Niger Delta
2) House of Assembly
3) Ondo state
And the winner is Niger Delta! Ah! All the kidnappings of white men here and there, speed boats appearing from nowhere, oil explosions, all mixed up with espionage, guns and serious money. Ondo state was a close runner up with area boys taking over politics in true Al Capone style, but the fact that Niger Delta made it to CNN,( washing our dirty laundry like that in public!) not even Delta TV…abeg, una win hands down.
BEST DRAMA SEQUENCE 2007
1) James Ibori
2) Niger Delta
3) Murtala Nyako and his four wives
And the winner is Ibori! Okay, I know, you are all thinking Madam Etteh should have won, but let’s not forget that the Ibori show is still on, with market women baring their breasts, elders making fools of themselves, different groups constantly embarrassing the good people of Delta State, this drama has just begun. Ibori wins this award for evading the “rule of law” in a lavish and nonchalant style that can only be found in Spanish soap operas, he wins. Please, I implore people not to bare breasts or make threats; next year is another year, na turn by turn.
BEST COMEDY SEQUENCE 2007
1) Orji Kalu on BBC
2) House of Assembly
Without much deliberation, the winner is of course the House of Assembly, although Orji Kalu was certainly up there, his performance on hard talk is one that even our waffy comedian “I go die” could not rival. In fact, that is a good Christmas present, one to get your “ribs cracking” as we say in the comedy world. The House of assembly wins this prestigious award for showing that old men, fathers can still be active in the entertainment sector. I mean, it is no secret that those big agbadas prevent them from doing their jobs, but who would have thought that they could put on boxing matches with such clothing? It was delightful! Now that’s what I call true comedy!
So there you have it, my people, the year has come and gone, but we the people, are still here. That is why the last award, COURAGE IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY goes to us, the people of Nigeria, for showing courage and tenacity in the face of all the action, drama and comedy. Good luck my people, next year is a new year, and that too, we shall survive. Happy New Year.