Nylon bags

The wretched nylon bags!

I have been having sleepless nights, no; it is not the flesh eating demons of our roads that have been chasing me but “nylon bags” as we say in Warri. I don’t know why Lagosians always laugh when I say “nylon bag”, for your information, it is more ridiculous to call it “paper bag” or “water proof”. In my dream, they were flying everywhere, different shapes and colors, entangling me in a web. I woke up sweating and almost had a heart attack when I saw that one had blown in through the window. It is not only nylon bags that have been chasing me but empty plastic bottles, banana peels, “pure water” sachets, brown pieces of cardboard boxes, orange peels....

I don’t know how you all sleep at night, how do you pass overflowing gutters in your neighborhood and not have nightmares about it? The last time I went past one, I had a terrible nightmare, but I won’t bore you all with that now. I have been thinking…do you think our President is aware of the takeover by those wretched nylon bags? In my mind, I really do believe they are planning a takeover, really, they are everywhere, on the sides of roads, on roof tops, stuck in tires, in the gutters, hanging on trees, especially the black ones. Where do they all come from? Okay, I know people throw them away, but why on earth are they everywhere? Are they not all supposed to be in a refuse dump somewhere? I mean, let’s look at the normal order of used products, you use them, then you put them in a bin, (dust bin) and then, somebody collects them and they mysteriously disappear, recycled, or ends up an incinerator or perhaps used in a compost pit? That’s the logic right? I am sure there is a government agency whose job it is to clean up all this mess, or is there?

It is a mystery I tell you and one that I must get to the bottom of!
The only way to find out for sure is to go to Aso rock and see who collects their refuse. I am sure our President who loves the “rule of law” will certainly not stand for any sort of hanky-panky. His rubbish, I am sure, must be deposited in a bin, which in turn is collected by a special government or non government agency (it is this particular link we are trying to find) and then, burnt in an incinerator somewhere in Abuja. The only problem is that I am not willing to risk my life in vain on our roads to get to Abuja, that is why, I am beseeching the President, to please send us the name of the agency responsible so that I can get in contact with them, or even better, if he could tell me the exact time when his own garbage is being collected so I can waylay them. It is very important that I get in touch with them as soon as possible; my doctor says these nightmares are not good for my health.

N.B: Please, I‘d like to just say, to the governor of Yobe state that donated 1,6 million and 28 bags of “assorted/multi grains” to the families of auto crash victims, may the almighty God bless you for your generosity and seeing you are in such a generous spirit, perhaps you might take it upon yourself and your administration to repair the roads as well, thus avoiding such accidents in the future. Did I hear a yes? We thank God.