Monday, January 7, 2008


My people, today, we shall be visiting our nearby market, I know all these big men and women don’t do their own shopping anymore, so I have decided to give them a firsthand account, I am sure, they will all enjoy our trip. Let’s, see, there’s the bus, we are on our way!

1hr later

Chineke! This is madness, it is market day, there are people, birds in cages, hawkers shouting at the top of their lungs, children and mothers, okada men and baskets of tomatoes, and wait...FILTH! It is everywhere, the gutters are overflowing, it is disgusting, pollution from vehicles, I must be in the wrong place, can this be the market? Isn’t food supposed to be sold in a clean environment? I really hope all I have been eating did not come from here, I’ll have to ask my mother afterwards, because, this is just madness. Well, we are here now, let’s look at our list...hmmmm, meat, where is the meat section? Oh Lord! There it is, meat everywhere, sweaty men chopping away, and what the...Jesus on a bicycle! The machetes are so rusty! I can’t buy from him, I’ll die of food poisoning, no, let’s move on, ah, look, there’s a woman, she looks clean enough…. Ehhhh, is she using her bare hands to touch the meat? And some other customers too, there are just touching the meat with their hands, just like that? Have they never heard of bacteria? And look! There are thousands of flies, they are everywhere! No, I can’t buy here, I cannot. I refuse to buy bacteria infested meat. I have to call my mother, it is impossible....

“Hello, mummy, there is a mighty problem”

“What is it? Hurry up”

“The meat section....ehhhhh is there anywhere we can buy meat from a refrigerator?

“Look, that joke is too dry, what is the problem?”

“Ehhhh, I am not joking...The meat...they are just there like that, bacteria everywhere, and under the hot sun!”

“Is that why you called me? Don’t worry, we will pre- boil, and then boil, and then we will fry it. By the time we finish with it, there will be no bacteria left”

This is crazy. Food being kept like that, and under the hot sun too! And look at those birds in the cages. How can they survive all cramped up like that? I know what I’ll do, these people have been getting away with this for too long. I’ll call in the health inspectors, I’ll write a report, I am sure the government will take care of this mess in no time, especially that man with the rusty machete, something has to be done...Oh wait, a phone call...


“Yes, waffy, it is mummy, before you think of going to the commissioner of health or doing any of your crazy ideas, just bring my meat home, you hear?”

“But I can submit it for evidence, in case the health people want to test it, I am sure they will find at least a hundred different kinds of bacteria in it”

“Don’t worry, we’ll send it from here, enter Okada and come home”

Well my people, I hope you enjoyed our trip to the market, I can assure you that this will be my last time in this disgusting place, now I understand why all those big people never come to these areas, it must be the filth. I don’t blame them, the sight is very disturbing.

P.S: Just in case Emma (I dey hail oh! Ehen!) reads this, could you please visit P.T.I road (Effurun)? They said they are fixing the road but I have a slight suspicion that a bomb was used in the process. The whole place looks like a scene from World War 2. That can’t be right, even if you are repairing roads; some sort of sanity has to be maintained. You might want to check that out, and while you are at it, please do something about the market (I am sure a Doctor like you will be appalled when you see the health risks) really, it is too bad.

P.S.S: When approaching the market (also in Effurun), you might want to use Okada as the road there is too narrow and will definitely not support an arcade of your vehicles. In fact, just call me when you reach P.T.I roundabout, my uncle has an Okada, maybe we can get him to give you a free ride, but I am not promising anything

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