Sunday, January 27, 2008

Double application for future oil allocations from NNPC and construction contracts from NDDC

Please check all of the boxes below, and also, do not forget to enclose a personal letter with this application form.

Do you have connection in high places? If yes, check the box most applicable to you. If no, do not bother continuing with this application


Do you like fun?

I don not know what fun is

If you have checked the box “I do not know what fun is”, do not bother continuing.

Do you like to travel?

Only in Nigeria
In Africa

What kind of native material do you like?


What kind of food do you enjoy?

Chicken peri peri
Pepper soup
Pounded yam
Jollof rice

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Waffy Waffarian and I am an indigene of Delta State. I have recently been made aware that your establishments allocate contracts on a regular basis to citizens of the country. I have been informed that no prior experience in any sort of development work as in the case of NDDC, is necessary.

Since I am an indigene of the Niger Delta area, I am supposing that I might have a better chance of getting these contracts and oil allocations. Although I do not have any sort of connection in the government, I have written to Yaradua on several occasions and I am sure to get a reply from him, any day now. Also, I have experience in sleeping on leather couches, reading magazines and eating jollof rice, I am told, this might be a good attribute to have. I also like to wear native attire and in fact, I have just ordered the latest material from Ghana, so I will be a worthy ambassador of your good names.

Furthermore, I enjoy travelling to exotic places, visiting the best spas around the world, and have been known to enjoy a helicopter ride or two, thus making me a perfect candidate for future contracts and oil allocations.

P.S:I just want to bring to your attention the N17. 5 Million naira that is causing wahala in one of the western states. Something about a statue. Is that your money too?

Yours sincerely,
Waffy Waffarian


CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

i swear one day someone will smack your mouth...silly girl...
so what was the reply? maybe I can write to lagos state governor....I need to pay school fees

ababoypart2 said...

lol...classic. Best post of 2008 so far!

Anonymous said...

hehehe.... Good one as usual,like the ticking idea. Catch ya l8r!

Patrice said...

Dear Ms Waffarian,

Unfortunately, you are overqualified and our records show that you are reliable and productive. We hope you will enquire again when you have less going for you.


Goverment Contract Awards Office