The Thief

Somebody stole my phone and I know who it is. It was stolen by that useless layabout that hangs about the area waiting to accost me with different false stories. The man definitely has an imagination. The stories he tells about this country, I am happy I am a thinking person, otherwise I would have believed him, but today is the day; I will definitely accuse him of being a thief. There he is……

Waffarian: Bros, if na play, make u stop am, where my phone?

Layabout: which phone?

Waffarian: Look, this one don pass play, where my phone?

Layabout: God has forgiven me

Waffarian: How dat one take affect price of garri for market? Where is my phone?

Layabout: Sista, if God don forgive me my sins, who are you to hold grudge against me?

This man must be mad. I have suspected it all along, the kind of stories he spins, the other day, he told me the police were arresting women in Lagos, then he said, the only national theatre we have in this country was being sold off and now he has become a thief. I am tempted to argue with him, but I have now realized that what I have suspected all along is true. He must be mad, how otherwise, can you explain the fact that he is trying to cover up his act by proclaiming that God has forgiven him? How does he know? Did he use my phone to call God? Even if he did that, I am sure God would have told him to return my phone first and then ask ME, for forgiveness, after all, it is my phone and it was my hard earned cash that was used to acquire that phone....

Layabout: Even self, sista, I forgive you

Waffarian: You forgive me? For what?

Layabout: For all this your wahala wey you dey cause here because of common phone, as God don forgive me, meself, I don forgive you.

I am in shock....there must be a way to help this man....is he aware of the level of madness he has just risen to? Oh Lord! Have mercy on your servant. I really wish I could help him, but time is against me, I have so many things to do and I really do not have the time or energy to convince this man of his madness. What could have gotten into him? I wonder if he really believes...ah! No! It can’t be...but come to think of it...I think he just did...did he just play the religion card? Can he be that smart? that cunning? Oh, I almost fell for it! I was attributing it all to madness, but no, this one is not mad, he is smart, but he does not know who he is dealing with, I won’t fall for the nonsense.

Waffarian: Look, if you like, make God, plus you self, forgive the whole humanity, na una know, I just know say, if I count to ten and my phone no appear this very minute, you go see real brimstone, 1, 2, 3....

Layabout: Abeg take your yeye phone jare! Your wahala too much self!

My people, did you just see that? That man was a smart one, he was not mad after all, even though he showed every indication of being one. I have to congratulate him though, for a minute there he almost got me. I thank God I am a thinking person, if not, I would have fallen for that nonsense, not only that, but my phone, would have been gone. This country is indeed amazing, but I am learning every day, I have to be very careful.

Layabout: Sista, I hope say you no vex too much sha

Waffarian: From now on, keep a ten meter distance when you talk to me, you hear?
The man is useless, spinner of tales and a thief, but don’t worry, I have learnt my lesson, from now on; he will be at a very safe distance.