Reform plan for Niger Delta

Make una siddon there dey look! Na so all of us here dey shake like leaf wey wind dey blow! Una never hear? Dem don carry mercenaries enter the matter! Oghene biko! Una dey there dey give us tory about Ridabu every day, meanwhile, all these MEND and counterparts dey do their own for here. As una no wan do anything, I take God beg una, make una give me chance, make I solve this wahala, I get my plans already.

Start building: I don’t care how much it costs, start the building of hospitals, schools, roads, hospitals, all at the same time, let things start happening. Look, if you think it’s too hard, leave it to me, one phone call, and in a month things will start rolling. Yes, that’s what you use the internet for.

Open an unemployment agency: You think this is funny? Where do you think we are going to get the manpower for all these buildings about to be put up? From our local boys and girls that’s who! And the name self, dey “sweet”, e come be like serious matter.

Sports hall: Let every community have a sports hall. Yes, for basket ball, table tennis, volley ball and all those other sports our P.E. teachers teach us “theory” about. We have enough talents in that area, you need coaches? Leave that to me, one e-mail, and I will get you the best coaches from the former U.S.S.R. Considering the fact say most of us dey swim before we even begin waka, I have never understood why Nigeria has not made it to international swimming competitions. I can bet you, that Ufuoma my childhood friend will “overtake” any of those Australian wonders.

Cinemas: Yes, we love nollywood. See us laughing and we will forget all those serious issues threatening to drown us. Na for cinema we go siddon everyday.

Arts and performance schools: If you have not noticed, we waffarians have a talent in the arts sector. We can make you roll on the floor with laughter at any given time of the day. Let us tap into this, na natural resource.

Fishing industry: Wetin dey do una self? Una no know say many countries dey survive solely on fishing? Make I tell una one secret, una go laugh: You know that kain rubber fish wey hard , wey poor people dey chop for dis country, una know say una dey import am? I don talk about this particular matter reach.

Tourism: Look, if you see our fine fine creeks and water ways for here, (the ones wey Shell never pollute), na so I dey watch discovery planet, if you see as tourists just dey praise all the creeks dem…I come vex, cos our own fine pass all those Asian people own dem! The thing vex me. After all, we have the best rain forest in Africa, green, lush, beautiful, if they could only see it, they will understand.

Night life: We need discos, clubs, bars, places where the people can sit and relax and enjoy themselves after a hard day’s work. You all have them in Lagos and Abuja, why can’t we have them here? I am telling you, we have nothing here. What do you expect the young and restless to do after 7 o’clock? They can’t watch TV anyway, there is no light.

Palm oil and Garri: Okay, I know a lot of people think Ijebu garri is of high quality, but ask any southerner, yellow garri is the best for eba. Ijebu garri is the best for “soaking”, any child that went to boarding house will tell you that! Anyway, all our palm oil making “refineries” are down. We need to empower that sector, let’s use what we have.

Give all MEND members enough money and scholarships to live abroad. Yes, we shall pay, name the country and the school or vocation you have chosen, we have the money, we will send you anywhere. I suggest Australia or New Zealand; they have a history of accepting criminals.

Anyway, as una see, I get my own plan, where una own? Una own na to form committee every day, Abeg, Presido, halla at me, make I solve dis matter. You can reach me on waffywaffarian@yahoo.com

P.S: I have many more ideas for our people, no consultation fees required.